originally i said i didnt want to use this blog to complain or post anything negative, but things have been so hard lately i have nothing else to post about. i cant go out, i cant leave the bed/couch. its really starting to affect me mentally. not only am in in constant discomfort and pain but now i just feel like im going crazy. and i just found out that i cant get into see the doctor till the 5th of december. i dont know what im going to do for the next week. im afraid. and i start chemo on the 3rd. i really wanted to have this last bit of time to myself, to feel strong and do what i wanted to do before the chemo starts. and i was under the impression that i needed this appointment before the chemo, just in case i needed surgery. i really hate feeling like i have to suffer because other people drop the ball. like basically my whole experience at this hospital. this appointment was supposed to be set up last week. clearly they forgot and wouldnt have called me if al and i hadnt hounded everyone that works there yesterday. i dont know how im going to do this, another week of living like this. i was just hoping i could get an appointment so they could give me some tips on how to get relief. i shouldnt complain im sure there are a ton of people going through much worse than me. i just feel like im having more time stolen from me. its not fair. i spend at least 3/4s of my day in the bathroom. the rest of the time im waiting to have to go to the bathroom, or in pain.
im going to try to think of positive things. we are ordering swiss chalet for dinner. theres a new gossip girl on tonight. fonzie is so cute, she knows im sick so she has been following me around and acting like a guard cat. she wont leave my side, its so adorable. ummm. thats about it.
im also very thirsty. im drinking fluids, but obviously that doesnt help my constant leaking situation. but if i stop im worried about my kidneys since theres only one good working one.
well i have to go back to the bathroom. sorry for being a drag. hopefully my next post wont suck.
sigh.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Posted by Cheryl Nelson-McCartney at 1:46 PM
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4 comments:
Oy, Cheryl, if you can't kvetch on your own blog, well, what the hey!! I hear ya, Hon, you just keep doing whatever it is you feel you need or want to be doing. Fonzie will continue as guard cat and you have your Ladies Breakfast to look forward to!!!
I send you love and lots of hugs
X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O
MaGrace
first off, since when is my mother jewish?
secondly, and more importantly, this is yr blog cheryl and we r yr friends & family here.. u don't have to put up a front.. unfortunately, this is something u r going thru, so if u need to write about it, then u need to write about it..
im sure i speak for everyone when i say none of us can possibly imagine what this must be like to go thru and we all would/will do anything to help u thru it.
so with that said, if u need to complain, vent, cry, whatever, then do it.. this is yr blog and yr life and we r all here for u no matter what!
i love u and id do anything for u.. i just dont know what to do most of the time.. so please don't hesitate to ask.. i.e. this weekend or whenever.
and keep blogging even if its to complain. id rather hear from u then not.
xoxoxo
It's better to be honest about what you're going through, and it helps everyone who loves you better understand, which helps us better support you. Also, bottling up these feelings are not good for you spiritually, mentally or physically, so it's good to get them out. I think your complaining is pretty mild, all things considered. I think you're allowed to feel a lot more angry then you let on. And, getting the negative emotions out will help clear the way to focus on positive thoughs, which will help you get through this battle.
I can't believe you're already starting chemo. You probably will have to ask us for help, especially if you're not feeling well. Like Lisa said, I'm there for you too, so you can always come to and I will do my best to help.
I love you. Try to keep your mind busy... Can you read, draw or even make lists about things you want to do in the future? Those things always help get my mind off of bad stuff... xoxox
you're alowed to vent! dont' ever feel selfish over that!
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